Absolutely no one can prepare you for how you are going to feel and there is never anyone to tell you how you should.
It’s in those first few moments of hearing and responding to news your brain and your body don’t seem to connect. I can only describe it as being trapped. You have so much to inhale and deal with that your body seems to lack its simple motor skills and ceases to function in a normal way. You can’t stand because your legs and your knees buckle from the emotional stress, you can’t dial a number because your hands are shaking and your vision is blurry from the tears, some from sadness some from wretching.
That night I did not want to believe anything I was looking at. Doubt and disbelief are cruel emotions, they trick you into thinking you are crazy to ever think or feel something, that you are over reacting and that what is possibly happening to you cannot be real and must be some sick practical joke that someone has thought up as your life just appears to be running almost too smoothly.
Doubt, your head fills with mountains of doubt, surely he hasn’t done this? This cannot possibly be true! At this moment you don’t even think to ask yourself why you are being a complete idiot – it is so hard to see the truth when you are veiled by unconditional love.
I started getting streams of Facebook messages piling in, screenshots of conversations, pictures of his online profile – each time I saw another one come through I’d be a little bit sick in my mouth, the lies he is telling, the personal information, things that you only tell the person you love just handed out like flyers on the street, it’s like he doesn’t care I am a person.
I had just spoken to him, he told me he loved me, right… now it’s time to call him back.
Laura Loves It 